Monday, January 17, 2005

These Kids and Their Cockrings!

I was at a friend's house over the weekend, and while flipping through channels, he came across some kids' gameshow. Before they went to the final round, they had a performance by a special guest. That special guest was, apparently, something the thirteen-year-old kids love: Dream Street! It's a five-piece ensemble, like a jazz band, but without all the pubic hair or talent.

Out of utter horror and, sure, maybe a little genital excitement, we watched as Dream Street took to the stage and rocked the collective mic. It was the closest thing to child pornography I've seen since I looked in that special folder on my hard drive. They were these 13-year-old kids singing a song about how they want to make your body sweat and lose control. Then they'd hump the floor and I think it got to be the most inappropriate when one of the kids sung out in three-part harmony, "Girl, I want to put my lipstick in your Cootie Control center."

I did a little investigative reporting on these guys and found a track listing of one of their CDs. This is from their CD, "Kids Don't Get Syphilis."

  1. Donkey Punch Delight
  2. It's Not Statutory If We're Both Underage
  3. Ball Dropping (feat. Puff Daddy & Lil Kim)
  4. It's Called a Fivesome
  5. Break! (That Hymen)
  6. Candy Corn Is an Aphrodisiac
  7. Don't Worry, Girl (Anal Sex Doesn't Count)
  8. Fisting You (power ballad)
  9. You're almost 18 (in dog years)
  10. Toys 'R Us Doesn't Sell These Toys

Maybe I'm being a prude, but this seems a little on the inappropriate side to me. I guess this is just a sign of my age.

Interesting thought of the day:
It is a widely known fact that women with red hair are born with an extra vagina.

1 comment:

Ry-Ry said...

Well, I just wanted to say that I’m the friend he is talking about that watched "Dream Street" with him on television. All I wanted to say is I don’t know what he is talking about! I was channel surfing and left it on the channel as a joke. The next thing I know Kurt is dancing and singing along with the teens! I swear he knew every word to the song as well as some of the choreography. To say the least I was disturbed as well as slightly turned on by my long time friend gyrating to boys (who sound like girls) singing about getting dirty and sweaty and junk! So just wanted to voice my opinion and some insight on your beloved Kurt!