Friday, August 26, 2005

God Hates Good Charlotte, Too!

Though I'm an Atheist, this latest news has made me falter in my beliefs.

It looks like it's god's plan to get all of today's shitty musicians together in one spot and drown them to death like old-school Bible flood style.

I just hope that Nelly and Ashlee Simpson don't somehow end up on an ark. I'd hate for it to be up to those two to repopulate the musical "talent" pool. I think Ashlee Simpson would try to use a substitute vagina anyway. Not because of how she lip-synched on Saturday Night Live, but because she hates black people.

The hurricane that's supposed to be performing this biblical feat is Hurricane Katrina. That's kind of a wussy name. If the government was smart, they would turn these disasters into money-making opportunities. They could counter-balance rising gas prices with the revenue generated by corporate branding.

For example, instead of being Hurricane Katrina, reporters would be forced to refer to it as "Hurricane Best Buy: Destroying homes--and prices on electronics--near you!"

They could even turn negatives into positives retro-actively. Remember the Holocaust? From now on, it's the Jimmy Dean's All-Beef Kosher Franks Holocaust. And September Eleventh will be the Nestle Crunch Terrorist Attacks of September Eleventh.

Everybody wins (except for the terrorists).

Interesting thought of the day:
Waffle irons, contrary to their name, do not get the wrinkles out of waffles. In fact, they encourage them.


Anonymous said...

If press someone's face down on a hot waffle iron you can use their face as tic tac toe board until their burns heal.

If you're lucky, it will leave scar tissue and the fun will never end.

Hugs and kisses,

deleted said...

thats a good idea. you can also play chess!!!