Thursday, August 18, 2005

The World's Most Disappointing Website!

Yesterday I put a counter on this weblog that lets me see how people found this site. Surprisingly, a lot of people have it bookmarked (which is why it hurts even more that you guys aren't commenting because that last entry about Grand Theft Auto was my favorite thing I've written for this site), but, the most interesting thing is to see how people get here through search engines.

Just yesterday I had 2 visitors that tickled my fancy. The first was a guy who was searching yahoo for jokes about retards. Literally, he searched for "jokes about retards," and found my site. I was the fourth search result for that. I don't take that as just missing a medal in the Olympics, it's a gold medal no matter how you slice it.

But that's not my proudest referral from yesterday. It had to be such a letdown when somebody searched google for Kevin Eubanks Shirtless, and I came up ninth. I singlehandedly ruined some girl's (or gay man's) masturbation session. Granted, it's not the first time, but every time I do, the glee it gives me actually sends me into a session of my own. So, in order to appease whatever weird demographic I could possibly be reaching, I figured I may as well include that picture here as well. I'll be your one-stop place to shop for all things Tonight Show/masturbation related. Don't the two go hand in hand anyway?

Sorry about the picture. This weird, artist's interpretation of Kevin Eubanks shirtless on one of his CD covers was the best I could do.

I hope once you're done touching yourself and thinking about his smooth jazz riffs and how cute it is the way that he laughs at the not-funny volcano of words that spews forth from Jay Leno that you stay and read my jokes about retards.

And, in case, for some weird reason, it was this Kevin Eubanks, an English professor from North Central Texas College that you were looking for shirtless, I've done a little editing to help you out in that department.

I hope, for some weird reason, that this Kevin Eubanks looks himself up on google and finds this picture. If you're Professor Kevin Eubanks of NCTC, I apologize--not only for the picture, but because you share the same fate as Michael Bolton of Office Space.

Interesting thought of the day:
The X Games would be much more interesting if they used old-time style equipment for all events.


mala said...

i am guilty! i check your page every day but rarely leave comments!

Lasrael said...

Guilty sir

Buttics said...

Got your page bookmarked at work. Don't sell yourself short, I thought the jury duty post was by far one of the best, right up there with Terri Schiavo. Just goes to show you can find a funny side of every situation.

Carl Click said...


Molly Molly Oxen Free said...

Oh, did you want us to comment? I don't usually because your posts are too funny to follow. And, while I did like the attention of being mentioned by name in the post a few days ago, I just didn't get an appreciative vibe.

EOB said...

I try to comment when I have something to add, but as molly molly mentioned, you usually say it all ... and then some.

I too have you bookmarked on all of my machines and check you everyday as well as subscribe to your RSS feed. I've said it before, best blog on the web, keep up the good work!

eob said...

Also ... I couldn't stop laughing at the pope "Show your tits" pic.

Anonymous said...

I agree with everything eob and buttics had to say!

Anonymous said...

i found ur site by searching Google for "most disappointing website"

Cameron said...

I typed "worlds most interesting website" into google...and your site was about 6 or something.
I really should sue google for false advertising I reckon.
BUT your web log is faintly amusing, and some of the bits I read were nearly funny. Do you still have the girlfriend?
Man that girl must be desparate..
Naaah Im just fuckin wit ya.
I always wanted to say that.