Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Reason I Love Life!

I saw a homeless man holding a balloon today.

It was bright orange, connected to a string, and filled with helium.

Normally it creeps me out when I walk past homeless people and they smile at me, but this guy was obviously not looking for anything other than for me to acknowledge the fact that, indeed, his balloon was awesome.

So, I did something I've never done to a homeless person before. I looked him right in the eye, smiled, and pissed all over him. I pissed so much and with such a sustained force that there was blood in my urine. In fact, it transitioned from blood being in my urine, to there being traces of urine in the stream of blood spewing from my urethra, to a clotted fountain of jelly-like stew flowing from deep within the recesses of my bladder. I wanted to make sure that he knew, no matter how much joy he could find in this simple pleasure in his obviously complicated and fucked-up life, it was still going to suck.

Why wait until his balloon popped for him to find that out? I metaphorically burst his balloon. And, as anybody who knows me knows, I love working in metaphors (and drag).

Maybe it was wrong of me, but I was given an honorary membership into the Secret Brotherhood of Keepin' it Real by Snoop Dogg when I met him once at a McDonalds in Garden Grove and I was sworn to, at all costs, keep it real.

And, I didn't mean to sound like a bitch in my last entry about people not commenting. I didn't actually mean that it hurt my feelings when people don't comment, I was just trying to get some of you people out of the woodwork. So, thanks for those.

Finally, I'm thinking about getting my own domain name, but I'm not sure what to go with. I mean, dontreadthisweblog.com is available, so I could do that, but I kind of wanted it to be a little more open than having to be just about the weblog so I could do more stuff like videos and songs and whatever. If you have any suggestions for names that I could use, drop them in the comment section below. I'd like for it to be something that kind of gets across my brand of humor. Maybe even something that I've written before that kind of encapsulates what a bastard I am. SIDSgun.com, anyone?

Interesting thought of the day:
It's a scientific fact that if you talk loud enough at a deaf person, they will eventually hear you.

5 comments:

deleted said...

dontreadthisweblog.com would be the best thing that i would associate with you. or you could always go with imkurtthereforeimretarded.com

eob said...

http://www.retardsanonymous.com perhaps?

Anonymous said...

www.TheVaginaMonoBlogs.com

Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

I think it's your work with midgets or retards that we all know and love.

www.lowercasepeople.com
www.calfhumpers.com (maybe that one would bring the wrong kind of people)
www.retardsinmycloset.com
www.midgetsontoast.com
www.mewearhelmet.com
www.chocolateinmypants.com
www.retardedmidgetrodeo.com

enjoy

eob said...

www.unemployedretards.com