Pro-Choice!

There's this board game called Zobmondo which basically just consists of answering a bunch of balanced "Would you rather..." type questions (i.e. Would You Rather... Be really honest at the office and have everyone angry with you or… not be truthful yet be well-liked?). So, I figured it would be an easy post to make if I just made up a bunch of these questions and let you guys answer or add your own.

1. Would you rather have to carry a midget covered in baby oil through the mall while screaming, "A giant lady just gave birth to this thing in the Robinson's May and they keep coming! Her vagina just swallowed the George Foreman Grill section!" or have to feather your hair (you would look so dumb!)?
2. Would you rather have to endure years of painful, emotionally-scarring molestation at the hands of a close family member or eat a chocolate-covered ant (totally gross!)?
3. Would you rather have a blind man with Parkinson's mutilate your genitalia with a rusty boxcutter or have to wear a fake tattoo that says "Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch 4Eva" for an entire day?
4. Would you rather have to eat a stew consisting of aborted human fetuses or slow dance with a fat girl (guy)?
5. Would you rather have to beat a puppy to death with your bare fists until your hands are covered in puppy brain or let somebody rub their feet on the carpet and shock you when you least expect it?
6. Would you rather inject anti-freeze directly into your heart or have to go to Rhode Island for a week?
7. Would you rather watch your naked grandmother fellate a corpse or watch an episode of "The Swan?"
8. Would you rather put a freshly-removed glass eye in your mouth and then make out with Chuck Woolery (concluding in a night of anal sex; he's the pitcher and hung like a fire extinguisher) or not?

I'm not sure I did those right.

Let's hear your responses and/or additions.

Interesting thought of the day:
When Charles Schultz drew Pigpen, the cloud of dust around him was a metaphor because, as we all know, Pigpen was the only Jewish character in the Peanuts comic strip and Charles Schultz hated filthy, thieving Jews.