Monday, January 23, 2006

Count McDracula!

A woman in Delaware (whose state motto is, "Delaware: Our major export is people!") has filed a lawsuit against a McDonald's because she says that the sundae she bought for her 12-year-old son contained blood.

The more likely explanation, however, is that some strawberry topping accidentally got on the boy's frozen confection. Well, either that or Rhonda, the woman whose vagina miraculously dispenses frozen yogurt (and also has perfect pitch) was on her period.With as sue-happy as people are, I hope that this ushers in a new era of even more frivolous lawsuits.

I promise you, within the year, somebody's going to sue Olive Garden because when they shut their eyes and put their hands in the pasta, it feels like BRAINS! Gross! Totally sick!

I think I'm going to finally sue Wendy's just so they stop it with the square hamburgers. I get it! You're different. You love geometry and meat. That makes two of us. But you need to take a page from the Prince Carnivore of Beefington at Burker King and let me have it my way. Now start making with the rhombus-shaped slabs of beef STAT.

Interesting thought of the day:
"Terrence, the towel-toting teetotaler, takes ten tantalizing teabags to the tongue" is not only a fantastic tongue twister, but also a telling insight into the sexual practices of one young man.

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