Wednesday, January 04, 2006


Remember when you were a kid and it was illegal to fight crime without a license?

Remember when the only source of energy on the planet was created by a room full of people hired to rub balloons on the carpet?

Remember how the English language used to only consist of clicks and pops and, when written, was much like Morse Code, but color-coded?

Remember when you used to be able to buy a loaf of bread for one broken unicorn horn?

Remember when people used to be allowed to take any child home from the hospital they wanted and leave one if they wished? Remember how this spawned the less-traumatic Take-a-penny/Leave-a-penny tray at your local convenience store?

Remember when human blood used to constantly seep through people's pores? Remember when there was nothing but wet red clothing?

Remember when tackle football used to be played in kitty litter?

Remember when cars used to be powered by baby dolphin tears?

Remember when humans used to eat steel like it was cake?

Remember when quicksand used to cover 95% of the earth's surface and chocolate syrup covered the other five?

Remember when every human was born with both sets of genitals and the doctor got to decide what sex the baby would be by calling a witch doctor and playing Paper, Rock, Scissors over the phone--which never worked.

Remember how tornadoes used to be made entirely of confetti and people always accidentally mistook them for giant surprise parties?

Remember when the President of the United States was a position filled by a lottery and the job only consisted of roaming the country washing floors? That was the height of the job title versus job description wars.

Remember when income taxes used to be paid off in marathon breakdancing sessions?

1 comment:

Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

God dammit! What the hell happened to "I Hate Comics Tuesday"? I want a refund for my thetoon-dot-blogspot-dot-com membership.