Thursday, January 12, 2006

Finally: Spacepants!

Levi Strauss, the same company that makes overalls for old prospectors, is giving everybody what they want: iPod compatible pants.

The Redwire DLX jeans are set to "drop" some time this fall; just in time for your child to feel terrible about you not buying him a pair while Back to School shopping. If the name of your jeans could just as easily pass as a model of an SUV, you've finally made it to the future, baby.

I don't know much about iPods because I reject technology (each "blog," as you know them, is actually hand-written with a quill and ink on a papyrus scroll that I stick to the front door of my cabin using the very sticky substance, squirrel brain, which is then retrieved by a young knave to be beamed up to Jesus forever), but I know that I've never had anything worth more than $500 ($200 pants, $400 iPod) below my waist since high-priced transvestite prostitute joke!

Other clothing companies have decided to hop on the futuristic attire bandwagon.

80s staple Jordache, notably behind the times, has decided upon a little different way to integrate what they consider cutting-edge technology into their clothing.What I predict will possibly be even less successful than this is Nike's newest product: the Shoepwriter.The Redwire DLX jeans, as previously mentioned, are expected to retail in the US for $200, but Japanese schoolchildren will import and buy them for around $1000.

When I say that the jeans are "iPod compatible," it means that there will be some sort of device on the pants that lets you control the volume and switch to the next song. I'm pretty sure that the volume directly correlates to the position of the zipper. This will make for fun conversations with grandma. There's also a docking station in the pants (if you know what I'm saying). I want to see some drunk frat guy at a party jump in a swimming pool with these things on. It will be the most hilarious and musical death by electrocution since the day the flash flood hit the Disney Main Street Electrical Parade.

1 comment:

Molly said...

Nice picture of the shoepwriter. Very funny.