Monday, July 18, 2005

You're the Best....Around!

"Sweep the leg."

Everybody who has seen The Karate Kid (or had to clean a giant robot) knows that line.

"Do you have a problem with that, Mr. Lawrence?"

"No, Sensei."
For the unitiated, a real-life Karate Kid event happened in a T-Ball game the other day. Except the Daniel Larusso in this case was a mentally handicapped boy.

That's right. The T-Ball coach paid a member of his team to hurt another member of their team with a baseball so he wouldn't have to put the retard in.

"STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY, SIR!"The Cobra Kai's method of thinking is all well and good when you're sporting feathered hair and a skeleton costume, but if you're an adult ordering an 8-year-old to hit a retarded boy in his retardo-cock with a baseball so you don't have to put him in the game, maybe it's time to do a little re-evaluating.

Luckily for the retarded boy, Pat Morita was on hand and, after he explained to Mr. Morita that he would never have balance if he didn't play--not with them, not with Ali (with an 'i'), not with himself or the chocolate monsters that come out of the back of his pants--Mr. Morita rubbed his hands together and placed them on the boy's ailing genitalia. The retarded boy was last seen running out of the locker room hitting himself in the crotch with a baseball glove screaming, "There's a ghost in my pants!"

"Daniel Larusso's going to fight? Daniel Larusso's going to fight!"

By the way, the man who delivered that line in the film as the ring announcer died recently from esophageal cancer. That's cancer of the homosexuals.

"Put him in a body bag! Yeah!"

Interesting thought of the day:
Whenever I look at how dirty my keyboard is, I realize that I should probably never lick all of my fingers like I just ate a delicious bucket of chicken right after I type every entry here. But then I think, What's a little Hepatitis between friends?


Anonymous said...

Some of the greatest 80's quotes came from that movie. It brings a tear to my eye and a drip to my penis when I think of them.

Drew said...

That all reminds of my most favoritist Onion headline of all timez:

"T-ball stand pitches perfect game at Special Olympics".


Anonymous said...

As much as it hurts me to do so (not really), I have to call you out on two, count 'em....TWO, Karate Kid misquotes!! As minor as they may be, I know how much of an anal-retentive little fucker you are, and that you would jump at the chance at correcting someone else. :) Let's see if you can figure them out.