Thursday, October 27, 2005

Brooke Shields "Plans to Hate Second Child More Than the First!"

Never one to rest on her laurels, Brooke Shields has announced that she is pregnant again and, in an effort to top her post-partum fueled fury from her previous pregnancy (alliteration is having a fucking field day in this sentence--and in this parenthetical), she is planning on naming her child "Motherfucking Cocksucking Piece of Shit Romijn-Stamos".

She drew the ire of well-known bag of crazy Tom Cruise when she announced that she used medication to level out her mental state while suffering from post-partum depression. I famously sided with Tom Cruise in this matter because somebody as level-headed to believe that a million people were strapped inside volcanoes and blown up with an atomic bomb by an alien overlord is somebody who probably knows a thing or two about medicine for the brain. That guy only needs one medicine for his mental state and it's two parts titty, one part vagina.

"I'll fuck her right in front of you, Oprah. I'll do it because I love her so much!"

This picture is an actual photo taken at a shoot shortly after the birth of her first child. Rumor has it that she plans to keep this next baby inside her vagina for two years until she's over the post-partum depression. She says that she'll occasionally let it pop its head out for air and to watch The Blue Lagoon on DVD, but that's it.

Interesting thought of the day:
Before the invention of balloons, clowns had to entertain children at parties by tying links of ox sausage into various shapes. This is where the saying, "Like the scent of ox intestine on a clown" comes from.

1 comment:

David Amulet said...

Perhaps she should indoctrinate her second child into Scientology whiel still in the womb. This might, MIGHT, keep Tommy at bay for a while ...

-- d.a.