Monday, October 24, 2005

My Resumé!

It's a wonder I don't have a job. So, I applied for this freelance gig I saw on craigslist where they wanted ideas for online commercials for their online casino and this is what I sent.
INT. STUDY - NIGHT

A MAN (30s) sits at his computer with the poker software
running. He loses.

A close-up on the screen shows his account balance at $0.

LOSER
That was just unlucky.

FADE OUT.



INT. STUDY - NIGHT

The man sits at his computer the next night. The door opens,
a WOMAN (30s) peeks her head in.

WIFE
Honey, do you know what happened to
that painting? You know, the one
your parents got us when we got
married and has hung over our
fireplace for the past ten years?

LOSER
(distracted)
What? Oh, it's not there anymore?

She pulls out a piece of paper with a hand-drawn picture of a
man standing in front of a house.

WIFE
This was hanging in its place.

The man squints at the picture.

LOSER
That's not it? You sure?

She crosses her arms.

LOSER (cont'd)
It's a professional-quality forgery
then.

She closes the door.

He loses again. The account balance is back to $0.

FADE OUT.



INT. STUDY - NIGHT

He sits at the computer playing. He's losing.

His wife enters in a huff. Their daughter (7) enters holding
her mother's hand.

WIFE
Honey, quick. Somebody's driving
off with our car.

LOSER
Nothing to worry about, Sweetheart.
I sold the car. You know, because
gas is so expensive and because of
my love for Mother Nature. Instead,
I got us all bikes.
(to his daughter)
Isn't that exciting, Jenny? A new
bicycle! Awesome! Who's the best
dad in the world?

JENNY
My tummy hurts.

She holds up three fingers.

JENNY (cont'd)
I haven't eaten in this many days.

WIFE
Yeah, Jim. There's no food in the
house and all my money was stolen
at work. Well, I thought it
happened at work.

LOSER
Relax. Everything will be fine.
We're just a little short on money.
It'll turn around.

The door closes. His account balance reads $0.

FADE OUT.



BLACK SCREEN

Text: (Online Casino Name and/or Logo)

VOICEOVER
(Online Casino Name). Hey, maybe
you're playing against this guy.



INT. STUDY - NIGHT

The man sits at his computer playing. His wife bursts in the
room.

WIFE
(distraught)
Oh my God. Honey, where's Jenny?

FADE OUT.
That's solid, baby! What company wouldn't want to hire me to write for them? Granted, this is along the lines of "viral marketing," but still, I think it's pretty okay.

Interesting thought of the day:
"Los Locos kick your ass. Los Locos kick your face. Los Locos kick your balls into outer spaaaaaaace." If you don't know what that's from, then you better not consider yourself a connoisseur of fine cinema.

6 comments:

David Amulet said...

Great stuff! I am curious to hear what (if any) reaction you get--keep us posted!

-- d.a.

eob said...

No disassemble!

Buttics said...

Fisher Stevens all the way! Long live My Science Project!

Ryan Castillo said...

Not only have you been pulling obscure quotes lately, but you've been pulling from sequels instead of the mainstream originals. Me likey!! I used to quote that line all the time because it was one of the few times I could get away with saying "ass" when I was younger. You remember. You know how I was.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant.

- Eeby

Molly (not a robot terrorist) said...

OMG, that is so funny. I would totally buy poker websites advertised like that.

What are you going to be for Halloween?