This Just In: Cake Is Delicious!

In an interview that would have only shocked the same people who were surprised to find out that Rosie O'Donnel and Ellen Degeneres were gay, a WNBA player, Sheryl Swoopes, has "finally" come out of the closet. Isn't being in the WNBA declaration enough? Do you actually need to come out and say it.

There are a lot of things in this world that go without saying: If you're in the WNBA or LPGA, you're probably a carpet-muncher. A sneeze at the AIDS walk is paid a lot more attention to than a sneeze at a different venue. And all midgets love to be picked up and passed around like the Stanley Cup.

She said she has no idea how the announcement is going to affect her future in the WNBA. Well, I'll take a stab at it. Nobody gave a fuck before, but now, now that it's confirmed that she's a bonafide roast beef wrangler, nobody gives a fuck.

People aren't going to finally watch a WNBA game because they think there's a slight possibility that Sheryl Swoopes is going to mouth-rape a girl on the other team. That's a technical foul; it was made a rule as a result of the forced oral copulation that "Pistol" Pete Marovich practiced in the NBA and the ruleset just carried over.

Interesting thought of the day:
An unreturned "high five" is grounds for a duel and has been since Jonas Salk, upon first producing the Polio vaccine, was "left hanging" by his lab assistant in 1952.