Wednesday, October 12, 2005

In Communist China, Farm Animal Eats You!

So, a guy who I'm assuming for my own mental glee looked exactly like the "Green Eyes" guy from Big Trouble In Little China, became the object of my own Yakov Smirnov-style jibing when the bears that he was raising so he could sell their bile consumed him. And, no, they weren't hungry an hour later. I refuse to make that joke.

Sure, I guess being eaten by bears is better than having a knife thrown at your head by Jack Burton or exploding, but it's still pretty rough. But this guy deserves it even more than Roy deserved to have his lion, Montecore, eat his face. At least Roy was trying to entertain people, this Chinese motherfucker left a tube in these bears' stomachs and would drip their porridge into a catheter bag that they had strapped onto them. This was all so he could sell it to people who believed that, aside from being quite alliterative, bags of bear bile serve medicinal purposes.

I haven't been so happy about somebody being attacked by bears since I saw the alternate ending for Erin Brockovich that I made up inside my head.

The bile supposedly is used to help cure fever, liver illness, and sore eyes. I'm sorry, but if you're at the point in your illness where you're sucking the stomach acid from a man-eating beast in order to find some relief, you're GOING TO FUCKING DIE.

Interesting thought of the day:
Sex is like a picnic, it's fun to have until you get ants in your vagina.

1 comment:

Molly (not a robot terrorist) said...

Delish! Your last five posts were so funny, they made me pee a little. Thanks, Kurt!