Thursday, January 04, 2007

The Ghost of Shitsmas Past!

I had a really weird thing happen at work today. As you all know, I can't go pee at urinals because I don't like the idea of somebody staring at my back while I'm urinating. So, I went in the bathroom and entered the first stall and it stunk. Now that's kind of normal for a men's restroom. But this is when things got weird. Not only did it stink, but, as I was standing above the toilet finagling my dingaling from twixt my legs, this cloud of angry shit-heat wrapped itself around my head. I couldn't escape it. I tried moving my head away from the area directly above the toilet, but it wouldn't work. There was no getting away; it was so hot. I needed to call an exorshitst. Yeah. Sorry about that; I had to go back to the well with the shit puns.

I ended up ducking my nose and mouth into the neck of my sweater, but I fear that that was only a temporary remedy. I'm afraid that it's going to stay with me. It's like the end of the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland, only, instead of taking home a ghost with a top hat and beard, I've got some Asian guy's hot, haunted shit.

By the way, "finagling my dingaling from twixt my legs" is both the most poetic and disturbing turn of phrase I've written in months.

No comments: