Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The New X-Men!

With the influx the past few years of various superhero-related films and television shows, I figure that it's about time I throw my hat into the ring. I present to you The Eh? Men. Yeah, that's all I could come up with.

Origin: His mother and father loved each other very much and decided to have a child. That child is his brother. Snapz was an accident.

Powers: He snaps really hard and loud. Like, sometimes, if he does it close enough to your ear, you might look at him and say, "Come on, dude. Not cool."

Origin: A childhood of alone time and pretending created one boy without limits on his mental abilities. Okay, he has limits.

Powers: An uncanny ability to pretend, his specialty is making gun noises with his mouth. Gun noises that a real gun probably wouldn't make. His sister-in-law is the world famous RARRRR! She thinks she's a bear.

The Knitter
Origin: Raised by a pack of old ladies who did nothing but knit and talk about how cold it is in here, The Knitter seeks to help those suffering the same fate.

Powers: With a name like The Knitter, she better knit. Yep, it's a girl. Girls can have superpowers, too, but they have to be related to things that girls do like cook, sew or complain. She's actually not that great at knitting. I mean, she's better than most, but the superhero moniker is questionable. She'll try to sew her enemies into a very tight sweater, but they'd have to hold still for at least a week. You really need to be careful how you pronounce her name, though; she's also black.

Origin: Yes, his name has the exclamation point. I know I'm wont to use them, as I do in most every post title, but his name actually has it in there. There's also a way of pronouncing his name that's not like you may think. Having seen too many Jackass-style television shows, a boy decided to use his powers of Jackassery for good, somewhat.

Powers: He mostly just runs around and papercuts people. Hence his name. It's the noise you make when you see somebody else get a papercut, especially in a painful place like in the webbing of the fingers. Yeah. That noise you just made, how you inhaled through your mouth while clenching your teeth, that's how you say his name.

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