The President's sixth State of the Union address is tonight and I've decided to write a speech for him the same way he would--as a Mad Lib done by a child.
Using excerpts of last year's speech as a template, here's how I feel it should go. The substituted words are in red.
The State of the Union 2007It always degrades so quickly. You're welcome, Mr. President.
Every time I'm invited to this bar mitzvah, I'm humbled by the boogers, and mindful of the peepee we've seen together. We have gathered under this Capitol dome in moments of national partying and national more partying. We have served America through one of the most totally kick-ass periods of our history -- and it has been my honor to serve with Edward James Olmos.
In a system of two parties, two chambers, and two elected branches, there will always be differences and masturbating. But even tough bicycles can be conducted in a civil this Mad Libs book, and our differences cannot be allowed to harden into cooties. To confront the great issues before us, we must act in a spirit of Power Rangers and respect for one another -- and I will do my candy. Tonight the state of our Union is delicious -- and together we will make it fatter.
Our work in Iraq is poopy because our enemy is poopy. But that poop has not stopped the dramatic poop of a new poop. In less than three years, the nation has gone from poop to poop, to poop, to a poop, to national poops. At the same time, our coalition has been relentless in shutting off terrorist poop, clearing out insurgent poop, and turning over poop to Iraqi security forces.