Thursday, January 18, 2007

This Star Is Going to Be Huge!

Donald Trump, finally recognized for his amazing contribution to the business of show, recently received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Known for his boastful nature, the Trump addressed the crowd.

"I don't think I'm overstating things when I say that this moment right now is the single most important event to happen in the history of all existence."

"This star, the one you see on the ground before you, you better come to know it well. They used to say that there are only two things in life that are certain: death and taxes. But now there's a third thing to add to that aforementioned list of things: that I, Donald Blitzen Trump, am the biggest celebrity in the world. Oh, and that Rosie O'Donnell is a huge lesbo. Grade A dyke-bag."

"Seriously, though, back to me. How do I know I'm the largest star in this galaxy of stars encased in concrete? Because none of those other people has their own line of water. Well I do. And you know what it's called? Trump Water. Why pay a PR guy to come up with a name when you're born with the greatest name in the entire genealogical tree?"

"Next season's Apprentice will be held entirely on this star. We're going to take 16 contestants and have them face off in various challenges that will see them having to perform various tasks such as, clean my star, clean the stars around my star because I have to keep property value high, and point at my star and look at other people and say, 'Oh my god. That's Donald Trump's star. I can't believe it.' How could people not watch that show? It's captivating. It captivates present progressively."

"In conclusion, never forget this day because, from this point on, all things will be different. Food will taste better. Night will never fall. Babies won't cry anymore when they're born because they'll know that they're being born into a world where Donald Trump has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame."

Looking down at the two stars surrounding his, he shouted out, "Hey, Jackie Gleason and Tony the Tiger, you're fired," as he smiled and gave the crowd two thumbs up.

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