Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Baby Geniuses 3: Adult Geniuses!

When I was a kid, I had this feeling that I was smarter than most of the adults that surrounded me. As I grew up and actually became an adult (in age and penis size only), I realized that it wasn't just a feeling, but, instead, a cold, hard fact.

The following e-mail was sent to me by somebody who works in an office, so s/he has to put up with a lot of inter-office memos. If I ever received something like this, I would probably go to the person's desk who sent this and punch them in the head until my knuckles were covered in unused brain cells and barrettes.

Kurt, here is a solid sampling of the intelligence I am surrounded by on a daily basis.
-----Original Message-----
From: This motherfucker
Sent: Friday, June 24, 2005 5:02 PM
To: That motherfucker
Subject: FW: Yogurt in Refridgerator

what is she talking about?? I can write better than that.
-----Original Message-----
From: The Office Retard
Sent: Friday, June 24, 2005 1:20 PM
To: Office people
Subject: Yogurt in Refridgerator

To keep the kitchen mess at a minimum, I put all of this mornings yogurts are in the Refridgerator when I was cleaning up.


Mungo the Rockbiter

I changed the names, but the message remains the same.

First, if you don't know how to spell refrigerator, don't use it. It's a tough one, so stick with fridge; people will still understand what you're talking about.

Second, if you're only writing a one sentence e-mail to everybody in the department, it can't be beneath you to proofread it once. I understand how, when one is constructing such a complex sentence using one whole comma, that they can lose track of where they are and fuck up a verb tense or even put in a verb where it's not necessary. But, please, if you can't re-read your 24 words one time before you send it out, you should be forced to simply make drawings that convey what you're trying to say.

Finally, I'm not going to harp on the fact that she doesn't have an apostrophe in 'mornings'. I'm also not going to dwell on her ending the sentence in a preposition. Those are both things that some people don't bother to deal with correcting when they're writing (mostly because they don't know that it's wrong). But capitalizing 'Refridgerator'? Twice? Maybe I was wrong that she was misspelling refrigerator, but, instead, was using its proper name that it prefers.

"Refridgerator says he wants some more yogurt. Also, Coffee Maker and Microwave need tomorrow off."

I wish I worked with idiots. Or at all.

Interesting thought of the day:
If one pushes hard enough, they can actually poop out their own lungs.


Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

You give people too much credit....

A co-worker once asked me for help on how to spell "stopped". I thought it was of those annoying jokes, but he was serious. When I stepped into his cubicle, I saw that he even had the spell check running and still couldn't figure it out.

Anonymous said...

I think I know which office this awesome email came from!

Anonymous said...

The "what is she talking about?" part of the email came from an Iranian guy in my office that speaks Farzi as his first language.

BreAnnna said...

I am 100% with you on this rant. And also 85.9% anal retentive. (Only when it comes to grammar, you sick bastards!)