Friday, June 03, 2005

Hit Me Baby One More Time (Then Pee in My Butt)!

In an effort to completely gross out every person who ever thought she was attractive, Britney Spears has announced via syphillis-infected carrier pigeon or whatever, that she thinks that her pregnant sex is best.

For a while, Christina Aguilera held the crown of the skankiest of the pop singers (it's an actual crown given out by the tabloids fashioned out of used condoms, cans of Miller High Life, and aborted fetuses), but ever since Britney Spears hooked up with somebody else's baby's daddy, she has fast become that girl that you all knew in school who you heard banged the entire football team in one session just to see if she could do it without her vagina exploding.

By the way, if I wasn't supposed to keep my tingly arm straight as much as possible, I would Photoshop a picture of that crown on Britney Spears' head. So if somebody else wants to do that, feel free.

Speaking of my tingly fingers, it's doing better today, but it wasn't this morning around 4 a.m. I woke up and my left palm, pinky, and half of my ring finger were tingling up a storm (Tingling up a Storm was Milli Vanilli's follow-up to Blame It On the Rain after their lip-synching fiasco). I was so freaked out by it, I got up from bed, turned on my computer and wanted to make sure I didn't have prostate cancer or anything like that. So, after I took the computer out of my ass after having it check my prostate, I went to google and learned that it's just a compressed nerve in my elbow. My funny bone is sitting weird right now and that's why I need to keep my arm straight, so that it falls back in place. If these entries haven't been funny, now you know why (because I'm not funny!).

On a lighter note, it turns out that "In Many Parts of the World, AIDS Is Winning." This is good news for fans of AIDS. The San Antonio Spurs are expected to face off against AIDS in the NBA Finals beginning next Friday.

Interesting thought of the day:
Condoleeza Rice has taken it upon herself to put an end to the war between Coke and Pepsi. Shasta, upon hearing this, has sanctioned the use of suicide bombers to ensure this doesn't happen.

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