Monday, June 27, 2005

Jesus Stole My Internet!

Last night, I got home from my old-folks home booty call and, much to my chagrin, dismay, and discomfiture (thanks,, my internet wasn't working. Well, sort of.

See, I have wireless internet that I connect to in my room through the router in my brother's room. When I tried to use my internet, it was connected to somebody else's wireless internet (which is really slow). For some reason, my computer couldn't find the internet available through my brother's room.

I went and restarted the router and I was able to connect. I figured it was just some weird glitch. But, it doesn't end there. Apparently, since I had the connection open and available for anybody to connect to, somebody nearby in my complex decided to do so. I wouldn't have cared if they did that, really. It's not costing me anything extra.

But, it turns out that it was The Jesus that was monitoring my internet activity and I read in the Bible that he really frowns upon hours and hours of video of man-on-man action where they're dressed in suits of armor and/or like peasant boys being downloaded. Because, shortly after I restarted the router, I was disconnected again. Only this time, the name of it had been changed (to GOOD and then LOCKED) and the password was changed. I couldn't connect to my own damn internet.

I eventually was able to get control over it again, but I wanted to run around my complex knocking on doors and beating the shit out of whatever little kid decided that it would be funny to try to take over my internet. Nobody gets between me and my miles and miles of photoshopped pictures of Bea Arthur in a three-way with Estelle Getty and the dead guy from "Empty Nest."

I can't post any of the "naughtier" pictures, but, this is how they all start. They're always in black and white, and they always involve a Victorian setting.

Interesting thought of the day:
If I found a bigfoot in the wild, I would teach it how to kickbox and take it everywhere I went dressed up in a tuxedo.

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