Boner Jokes: Redux!

A while back, I commented on the unfortunate wording in a headline talking about Viagra's profits.

Well, this time, the jokes actually write themselves.

Pfizer: No link between Viagra, blindness

In fact, they write themselves so much that I can't actually find the correct way to phrase even one of them. It's a train wreck of masturbation jokes in my head--AND THERE ARE NO SURVIVORS!

But, out of the smoky rubble limps one portly lad with a fresh limp carrying a package he promised he would deliver to his mother. Inside that package? Just this note:

The makers of Viagra announced that they're going to start putting a warning label on all prescriptions of their miracle erection-enhancing pills that it could cause blindness if used alone. This is expected to be followed in the coming months (no pun intended, until I realized how awesome it was) by warnings that it could cause hairy palms and for "God to cry because you touch yourself."

Nobody knows for sure who that little boy was, but some say he had a rather large chin, a squeaky voice, and was followed everywhere he went by a black man holding a jazz guitar who laughed way too hard at everything the boy said.

Other remnants found in the wreckage included:

"...Old Wives rejoice as their tales hit the mass market in the form of Viagra warning labels...but the celebration turns to horror as thousands of backs are broken as a result of their children stepping on cracks."

"...A blind man in Ohio rushed to hospital after funnelling hundreds of Viagra into his sphincter in hopes of reversing his vision problem. In related news, the first asshole boner has been discovered and, according to scientists, 'It's disgusting and soaking wet.'"

Huzzah! Boners!

Interesting thought of the day:
"Foster children" is Australian for "failed abortions."