Sunday, June 26, 2005

Diary of a Mad Black Man!

Well, I have absolutely nothing to write about, so I'm going to put my name into google image search, find a picture of another guy named Kurt, and make stuff up about him.

And, here's our lucky guy:

Kurt is a fun guy to be around when he's had a couple of beers. Sometimes--he's so crazy--but, sometimes, he'll stand up on a table and flap his arms like a chicken WHILE wiggling his butt! But, if you ask his wife's permanent limp and broken eye socket, sometimes Kurt can drink a little too much.

The stain you see on Kurt's shirt is "spaghetti sauce." Who knew that spaghetti sauce came out of his wife's nose when she tried to ask him a question while the Rangers were on TV and, appropriately, paid the price.

Aside from that, though, Kurt has three kids. His youngest, Kevin (9), is much too flamboyant for Kurt's tastes (putting him in football and "taking away that faggy ribbon he always twirls around like a goddamn lady gymnast" hasn't helped) and, unbeknownst to either of them, is going to grow up to set the record for most cocks sucked in an hour (surpassing my 62 by a mind-boggling 35!).

His middle child, Kyle (13), is taking after daddy nicely. He goes hunting with his dad once a month and punches the black kid in class "because he has weird hair." In 2015, he will be sentenced to 15 years in prison for armed robbery and beating his younger brother senseless for "being such a queer."

Finally, his oldest child, Katie (16), is only on her second pregnancy. For being in Kurt's family, that's pretty good. She lost her first pregnancy when she had a miscarriage*. It's weird, though, she "doesn't know how she got pregnant, unless you can get it from kissing boys close-mouthed."

Aside from the family, his job selling appliances takes up most of his time. That's why it's understandable that he gets so angry when he gets home and dinner isn't ready. It sure does help to punch somebody in the mouth when you're mad at them. It also solves a lot of problems. He should know; he was a psychology major at the community college until his girlfriend/wife, then 15, had to go and get pregnant. If she would have just listened and let him put it in her butt instead, he wouldn't have had to take the job at the store and drop out of school. It's her fault that his life sucks.

*repeated steel-toed boots to the abdomen by her on-again, off-again, on-again boyfriend, CJ.

Interesting thought of the day:
"Looking all sexy and shit" is the leading cause of rape in the United States.

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