Sunday, June 12, 2005

Faux Pas! (Not How You Address A Redneck's Father's Day Gift!)

Last night there was a little shindig for my older brother's birthday at ESPN Zone in Downtown Disney. One of his friends who he only sees once every couple of months showed up with his girlfriend. This girlfriend has an obvious physical characteristic that one wouldn't want to accidentally bring up because it could make others uncomfortable.

Needless to say, one of his friends, while making a joke about how the menu had changed so much since my brother had worked there, accidentally did. It was glorious, and the line went a little something like this:

"It's way different, huh, James? You're looking at it all crosseyed."


I tense up for a second and shoot a glance at Ms. Sammy Davis, Jr. sitting on the other end of the table and look away before both of her eyes have time to catch me.

And, of course, as soon as they leave, I make it a point to tell my brother's friend the absolutely wonderful mistake he had made.

It's not like you can't notice her eye. You can see that it's on a lunch break from across the room. And you know she had to notice him saying it. It's like if you had something about you that made you different--like bear claws instead of human hands--if somebody made a comment about a delicious pastry that they would enjoy for breakfast, you would notice it and wonder if they said it because of your grizzly mitts.

It reminded me of this one time a few years ago when I was in Vegas. I was standing back and watching a few friends play blackjack (because I'm cheap in Vegas and spend about eight bucks a day), and they were getting killed. This tiny Asian chick was pulling five-card 21s, blackjacks, whatever. Finally, she lost and, in my excitement, I yelled out, "Oooh, a chink in the armor!"

Right after that, she pulled out a sword, made me some tea, ate a dog, got into a car accident, and did my homework. I felt like such an idiot, and I don't even know if she caught it, but I think she did when she went out to her car and found the word "Chink" scrawled on it in Sweet & Sour sauce.

See, I accidentally made an insensitive racial remark, but I hate making accidents, so, instead, I wanted to convince her that I really meant it.

Interesting thought of the day:
Princess Di fought against land mines, but only to save face after she thought she was leading the charge against bland mimes and didn't want to feel embarrassed by dropping the cause when she found out what it really was.

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