Thursday, June 09, 2005

Where's the Beef?

I'll tell you where: in lockdown, bitch!

Police in Nigeria arrested a cow after it killed a bus driver who was peeing on the side of the road.

First, Nigeria really needs to change its name. It's one 'G' away from getting its ass kicked by Ghana and the Sudan.

Second, it's a cow! If you get killed by a cow, then you deserve to die. This includes the people who do the running of the bulls and rodeo things. It's a big-ass animal and, while it's probably pretty powerful, it's not like a cheetah that can sneak up on you; you can see a cow coming from a long ways away.

Finally, if a cow does manage to kill somebody because it's gone crazy with a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell, then just go ahead and kill it. Don't arrest something that, if you kill it instead, it can be delicious. This is why I hope after Michael Jackson is convicted (he won't be), they kill him instead because he probably tastes just like cotton candy covered in pounds of semenless boy ejaculate.

I'm going to start an all-boy dance troupe called Semenless Boy Ejaculate.

Interesting thought of the day:
The Passion of the Christ is one of the most historically inaccurate films ever made. A lot of people don't realize that Jesus wasn't even crucified. Instead, he just got really drunk one night and everybody wrote on him while he was passed out. See what 2,000 years does to skew a story?

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