The One Month Spectacular!!

Thus begins the non-stop blogathon brought to you by Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo and the new gum Splatz! (the only gum with a surprise filling inside every time--it could be watermelon, pudding, or bull jizz!)

It's been a couple of weeks since I've written and I need to stop being so damn lazy. So, as payback, I'm forcing myself to write something here every day for the next month straight. This will go until July 2, not for just four weeks. Four weeks isn't a month; February is like the adopted Korean brother of the rest of the months that they have to treat nice because he was born with one leg on backwards.

Here's some fun news! Starting last night, I started to get this tingling in my pinky and ring finger on my left hand. I looked it up, and it looks like I have some sort of ulna nerve business going on that's contributed to me sitting on my doughy ass all day and playing online poker. So I need to start sitting better or my fingers will tingle themselves to death; tragically, tingled to death is the exact same way that silent film actor Fatty Arbuckle was killed.

Eyeballs McGee was recently fined and sentenced to 120 hours of community service for saying that people kidnapped her when, in reality, she ran away from her own wedding. Her community service will consist of modeling giant novelty sunglasses for the underpriveleged and using her sonar to detect illegal aliens with the Minute Men patrolling the U.S.-Mexico border.

In other news, Denise Richards delivered a baby fathered by soon-to-be-ex-husband Charlie Sheen (known man-about-town). Not surprisingly, it turns out that Denise was not the mother, but, instead, blood tests revealed that it was a prostitute from Santa Ana named Mandii. The 6 pound, 10 ounce baby girl, Emilia is doing fine and is expected to take on a different last name from father and sister, Sam, in order to pursue a career based on her own merits.

Interesting thought of the day:
In the Catholic Religion, Saint Bernard is the Patron Saint of beastiality.