Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Outlook Not So Good!

I listen to a lot of talk radio. There are many reasons for this, the foremost of which is I'm a huge nerd (Beauty & The Geek's Richard kind of nerd).

Anyway, there's this one show that's on late night on the local FM Talk station called, simply, the John & Jeff Show. Coincidentally, the two hosts are named John & Jeff (except the guy known on-air as Jeff is actually named John and vice versa--they took this show over).

Suffice to say, it's a horrible, horrible show. The guys who host it are just idiots. An example of their idiocy is during their pre-recorded opening they say such hack things as "ugly people should not have kids."

Sometimes, however, people even more retarded than they are call in. Their show doesn't really have a format; people just call in and talk about whatever they want. They have a "Magic 8 Ball" that people can call in and ask a question. So, one guy calls in and, while this is a written medium and I cannot recreate his voice, just imagine if Napoleon Dynamite was hit in the cerebellum with a miner's pick.

This is basically how it went down:

Yes, I'd like to ask the Magic 8 Ball a question please. I have recently joined a basketball team in my local area and I was wondering if you could tell me if we're going to win our first game.
The 8 Ball said "More than likely" or "Balls deep in grandma's snatch" or something; I just know that it implied yes. They hung up on him before I could hear the reaction, but I'm positive that there was a full-on robot chubby going on in his pants as he pumped his fist with glee.

This entire story bothers me on a lot of levels. I hate that the guys that host this show actually get paid for their awful senses of humor and bits from the 1980s. They're like frat guys, who I all wish would die in one huge toga-fueled fire, but they're grown up and they have a radio show. Their goddamn telephone number is 1-800-PARTY-15. Dude, PARTY! Party! Woooooooooo! Spring Break '98!

Now that I've written this, I realize that it doesn't do this story justice. I guess that the essence of the character really comes from his voice and cadence, so if you're really interested in exactly what he sounded like, then you should probably re-evaluate your priorities.

Interesting thought of the day:
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush (and one case of avian flu that will kill 30% of China!).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Having read how annoyed you are by idiots on the radio, I had an epiphany (sp?). Radio could be a really good career for you. You are quick witted and always have a funny story to tell, and as they say... "you have a face for radio!" But seriously, have you ever considered it? I think you would be really good at it!